May 23, 2022

Okay…I’ve been pretty lax on my homework….here are the stories I have been following the past several days…
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drunk ice cream driver

Dennis Cogburn likes to do things in the good old-fashioned cowboy way. The 51 year old native Texan has been staying in a flophouse in South Bend, Indiana and doing a little wrangling to save up enough buckaroos to get back to his Texas homeland. In this case, wrangling is driving an ice cream truck and serving frosty freeze rocket pops and yogourt push ups to feisty five year olds in the subdivided neighborhoods of Goshen. Of course, everyone knows that life on the range can get a little boring and maybe that’s the reason Cogburn was taking slugs from a pint of vodka in between lassoing young-uns to the lonesome holler of the mighty ice cream truck.

A Goshen patrolman responded to calls from concerned motorists who reported the merrily painted van swerving all over the road. When the patrolman got to the scene he found Cogburn engaged in a bustling ice cream trade with yipper snappers from the neighborhood. Cogburn finished his vending and preceded to swerve, fail to signal, fail to pass a sobriety test, and go directly to jail. Thus far, there is no word if any of his desperado friends in the ice cream racket have busted him from the hoosegow.

In a related story here in Hawaii, Mink Hippie and myself have heard the distorted sounds of a high velocity ice cream vehicle tearing through our quiet neighborhood in Lanikai at all hours of the night. Recently, I had a chance to see the musical matchbox and was terrified to see it is a beat up old Malibu with a bad paint job, faded decals of ancient frozen treats, and a driver that looked like he just came off a three day crack train. I can only speculate that neighborhoods throughout the country are being invaded by these ghouls of ill humour.

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